We always knew pols were pissy!

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Politicians in the back seat need a potty break
By Bob Secter, September 2, 2013

With summer vacation season now in the rear-view mirror, it's time to reminisce about that gloriously relaxing ritual of the family road trip. A full tank of gas, scenic vistas and a few thousand miles trapped in a rolling hunk of steel enduring the unrelenting din of crabbing and whining from the back seat.

"He's staring at me!" "Why does she always get the window?" "Are we there yet?" "I have to pee … now!"

They are such adorable scamps, but they all can be so annoying at times. Some more than others. There are moments when it's hard to resist the impulse to strangle one of the brood, or better yet speed away from the truck stop while they're inside using the facilities.

All summer long, all year for that matter, those delightful images keep flooding back as we watch our feuding political leaders screech, jab and gripe their way into inertia while threatening to hold their breath until the economy turns blue. So, yes, dear voter, you're not crazy if it seems like your dream trip through America the Beautiful is constantly being intruded on by screechy little nightmare brats acting out behind you.

"I hate Obamacare. Yucky."

"Yes, little Reince, we've heard you say that at least 40 times already. But when you grow up, you'll learn that people disagree and sometimes you have to learn to get along with others."

"Oh yeah, well, if you don't stop Obamacare, I'm going to grab the wheel and drive us into that ditch over there and we're all going to die. So there."

"You try something like that, Mister, and you're never going to get to drive. Never."

"Oh yeah, well, Obamacare has those death panels so we're all going to die anyway so what's the difference?"

"Listen. Remember how it was some of your friends who came up with the idea for Obamacare in the first place? Sometimes they called it Romneycare. They only started to hate it when they thought somebody else came along and stole the idea. So why don't you come up with your own ideas to make it better? Remember how I always tell you to seize the initiative. Now, I don't want to hear another peep out of you until you come up with something constructive."

Thirty seconds later.

"Hillary's going to get a movie. Why does she get a movie? That's not fair!!!"

"Listen, Reince, I told you. It's going to be on NBC, and the surest way to make sure nobody watches something is to put it on NBC. More people watch shows about fake sharks flying through the air than anything on NBC."

"That's not true. The Donald's on NBC."

"OK, so they've got one show about a real shark flying through hot air. But that's not important right now. Shut up and put on your seat belt."

"I will not. That's government regulation, and government needs to get off our backs. And by the way, I hate Obamacare. Yucky."

And on and on it goes, mile after agonizing mile, cable shoutfest after agonizing cable shoutfest.

It may seem like it's the political right that comes off these days like a bunch of yowling hair pullers, but they hardly have the market cornered. Are you listening, Chris Matthews? Of course you're not because you're yammering, loudly and incessantly. Et tu, Carlos Danger.

You try to tell yourself that they're just going through a phase. They'll grow out of it, learn how to play nice with others and make you proud someday. And I'm sure they will.

But in the meanwhile, what's that I see over there in the distance? It could be … it might be … it is!

"Kids, anyone have to go to the bathroom? There's a truck stop up ahead."
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