"What politicos would I want for my baseball team?"

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Politics is a team sport
By Brandt, December 27, 2014

Recently, I listened to National Public Radio reporting about the Senate’s budget debate, featuring comments by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

I got to thinking: What politicos would I want for my baseball team?

First, you need an experienced manager who can argue with the umpires; my choice is California Gov. Jerry Brown, who could sell vegetarian tacos at the Sacramento Cattlemen’s annual meeting.

My politico players are:

Right-handed pitcher: Rep. Paul Ryan, who can always throw a good conservative policy with four days rest.

Left-handed pitcher: Hillary Clinton, who can always toss a fine liberal policy when rested.

Right-handed reliever: South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, good enough to rescue her state from Mark Sanford.

Left-handed reliever: George Mitchell, who saved Ireland from more punching and kicking.

Catcher: New Jersey governor Chris Christie. This guy can always be counted on to block the plate, and he can trash talk any union leader off the field.

First base: Incoming Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, because he will have to catch everything thrown at him starting in January.

Second base: This position requires the agility to move in any direction and turn a double play. That’s Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana.

Shortstop: This player needs to talk it up to motivate the other players: former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who always seems to be talking.

Third base: the “hot corner:” I need a veteran who can handle anything coming: my own congresswoman, Louise Slaughter. When I had recent problem with a federal agency, one visit to Louise’s office was all it took to get it right.

Extreme left field: Rookie Sen. Elizabeth Warren. She will be great chasing down anything hit her way and will have the guts to argue with the umpires.

Centerfield: Sen. John McCain is still able to see both sides on any issue.

Extreme right field: Rookie Sen. Ted Cruz. Cruz would run through the wall for the team, or chase any illegal fan that happened to jump on the field during any game.

Lastly, we need a rover. Who better than rookie independent Maine Sen. Angus King? He’ll start out leaning toward left, but once he gets the hang of it, he’ll shift more to center.

Oops, one more. I would pick Harry Reid as our batboy.
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