"... you can continue to be a part of the pain and anxiety and costly emotional heartache, or serve as part of the joy." Me, I opt for the joy!

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COMMENTS: 
*  I am speechless. Powerful article. Wow. Thank You for sharing
*  Wow Amazing article. Thank You. I have no idea how those opposed to gay marriage could read what you wrote and continue without "turning the page". I predict the day will come when their day of reckoning is in front of them and they will realize they all had it wrong and in the process they have made so many peoples lives so painful.
*  ... a lot of religious folks forgot or ignored"judge not lst you be judged" and "love thy neighbor as thyself."
*  in what way does gay people marrying "affect" christians that all the non-christian marriages don't? like atheists and agnostics and buddhists
*  There's something called separation of church and state. Marriage is and has always meant many different things, not one. Learn to love your neighbor. Preach love, not intolerance (christianity is about loving everybody if you haven't noticed).
*   Your psycho religion has brought more death and destruction, than people coming out and being honest with who and what they are. It's superstitious nuts like you that have controlled society for far too long. And I, for one, am loving seeing it meet its demise...FINALLY!
*   I apologize for my fellow Christians. I am embarrassed of so many of the comments here some chose to leave. Some Christians do not grasp the concept of "Christ Like or Following Christ." They simply think verse beating others will lead them to Christ through fire and brimstone. I apologize for their lack of understanding of "not one sin is greater than the other" otherwise their focus should be Adultery etc. I pray for my fellow Christians they will ask Christ for forgiveness and show them how to better apply unconditional love to all.
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The Impact of Marriage Equality We're Not Discussing, But Should
By John Duffy, July 2, 2015

A quick scan of the cable news channels or the Twittersphere shows clearly that the recent Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage has drawn sharp feelings from both sides of the issue. Most of these reactions were easily predictable. People across all media are exhibiting their feelings loudly, as the issue touches on so many potent areas of life: the political, the ethical, the moral, the religious.

But as I sift through my own feelings, I find I have a different reaction than those that seem to be most loudly expressed. I am a therapist, and I see this issue through the lens of emotion. And homosexuality and gay marriage are highly emotional issues. And we therapists possess the privilege of a unique perspective on the emotional elements of most any issue. And the emotional elements are crucial in understanding the issue overall.

For I have sat across from the young man fighting against his truth, his gay-ness, with every fiber of his being. Because it will disappoint his parents. Because he won't be accepted or loved, but rejected. Because he has been taught that who he knows himself to be is wrong. So he fights. He fights against his very nature. The resulting anxiety and depression run so very deep.

I have sat across from the teenage girl who recognizes who she is, but loathes the fact of it, and loathes herself as a result. Because it makes her life so hard, so odd, so weird. It estranges from people she once considered safe. Thoughts of suicide hover in the shadows all around her. And yet in every conceivable way, she is better-than-fine: bright, driven, beautiful, athletic, funny. And gay.

And I have sat across from the man who has lived a lie his entire life, hiding beneath the trappings of 'normalcy': wife, children, house, couple of dogs. Family man. But he is tortured nonetheless. For he is gay as well, and he and those around him, he projects, would find this to be unacceptable. And now an entire family is drawn into the dark.

Unfortunately, I could share countless other stories, all sharing this theme: to be gay, to be attracted to someone, to love them organically, is not just unacceptable, but shameful.

Shameful.

With just a moment's reflection, we all know that the forced constriction of anything authentic and genuine in ourselves will prove to be incalculably damaging. We should live in a place where one's truth carries not a hint of shame, but joy. Only joy.

And everyone, every single one of us, deserves that feeling.

So this ruling suggests another wave in a sea change. For many people, many of my own clients in fact, can now comfort themselves with the fact that what they sense and know about themselves, this undeniable core essence of their being, is now lawful and allowable and acceptable by society's standards. And sure, that's good.

But it goes beyond just that, right? Because for the majority of us, our loves and attractions are actually celebrated, from crushes to dates to proms to weddings. And we don't really need to give it a thought. There is a wild emotional divide between private shame and public celebration, and it is critical.

I like to think that a generation from now, if our sons or daughters are drawn to someone, male or female, and fall in love with that someone, that we will want to share in the joy that love will bring to their lives, and to our own.

Making ourselves unavailable to that joy ensures, and has ensured, the opposite: fear and judgment and ego, enough to keep therapists like me flush with clients for generations, treating toxic, wholly unnecessary feelings of shame and depression and relentless anxiety about something that is organic and authentic and actually quite simple.

This Supreme Court ruling is another step toward the openness we need as a society, openness that will undoubtedly have strong legs. Fewer pills will be popped to numb unnecessary pain. Fewer people will be compelled to live a lie their entire lives. Fewer people will feel a need to shield their deep reality in shame. Fewer lives will end tragically. This is no small deal.

So I celebrate today, for the emotional well-being of every gay person, man or woman,
who has suffered their love in lieu of celebration. I celebrate the deep breath they can finally draw, and the joyful, well-appointed weddings on the horizon.

Of course, upon sober reflection, we all know that legislation does not flip a switch on feelings, attitudes and emotions. These biases lag well behind.

So if you are the parent, brother, sister, teacher or friend of a gay man or woman and you find yourself bitter today, let me encourage you to turn a page. Allow yourself to open your heart and mind to them, for them and for yourself. Because the train has left the station, and you can continue to be a part of the pain and anxiety and costly emotional heartache, or serve as part of the joy.

Because love truly IS love. Simple as that.
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