"He [Pence] will discover that vaginas are not inanimate objects requiring management by men in the Indiana Legislature." Too bad, Pence, the women are coming for you.

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On this topic, men should shut up
By David Rutter, April 18, 2016

We have said insufferably rude things about Indiana Gov. Mike Pence from the parapet atop this outpost.

I'd doubt he pays any attention. No time to listen. Messing up Indiana is a full-time job, and he seems fully engaged in that endeavor.

But now he has way bigger problems than me.

The women are coming for him. And not in a good way.

The anonymous Hoosier women who operate the grassroots "Periods for Pence" (P4P for short) call his office dozens of times every day (317-232-4567) to give the governor an update on their reproductive cycle. Their Facebook page has 48,000 "likes," and the total grows every day.

They validate that it's time that people most victimized by Somebody's War on Women should take control of their war effort.

They figure it's the least they can do for a know-it-all official and his know-it-all allies, all of whom seem obsessed with women's reproductive cycles without knowing anything about how they work.

So this is Pence's year to find about vaginas, menstruation, cramps, clots, bloating and estrogen. How they function. What problems and benefits they produce. He will discover that vaginas are not inanimate objects requiring management by men in the Indiana Legislature.

Vaginas, as I've recently learned, are living parts of thinking beings who know how they work.

As opposed to male reproductive organs, these organs actually are attached to a self-determinative human brain. Men often name their organs, but thinking is not involved beyond that.

If Hoosierland's governor insists on being in charge of Hoosier vaginas and uteruses, the current owner/operators have decided to bring him up to speed. It's about time.

If he is not alarmed by this, he is even more dense than I thought.

The proximate cause of the gender outreach is HEA 1337, the bill that Pence signed into law and makes Indiana (along with North Dakota) the most repressive state on abortion rights.

Even female Republicans legislators in Indiana, many whom voted for previous abortion restrictions, found this one too intrusive and dunderheaded to tolerate.

Nothing they could say about forcing women to carry damaged and deformed fetuses to term — even to term as genetically disfigured stillborns — swayed the governor's heart. Or that miscarried fetuses now must be treated as if they are humans.

So an anonymous 39-year-old wife and mother read the law and told her husband, "If they are that worried about what is going on with our bodies, they might as well know everything."

Now dozens of unofficial members of an unofficial organization call Pence's office every day. Callers are appropriately amused that the bill's sponsor was named Rep. Casey Cox. His number is 317-232-9863.

A female friend took to P4P's Facebook home to announce that she's "saving" remnants of her monthly visitation and checking if there were any masses that needed to be buried. She might mail it to the governor's office for his assessment.

This is not merely gross obnoxiousness. She has a good point, because the law talks freely about miscarriages as if they are some form of deliberate abortion. The law requires all such fetal material to be buried because it's a human.

Women trying unsuccessfully to bear children often miscarry. Requiring them to treat the failed, tragic event as a living child is cruelty only men could produce.

The Centers for Disease Control and Health says as many 10 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, but there's no choice involved.

This is an issue with heartaches, soul-searching and deeply personal, agonizing effects. But the pain is borne to the largest degree by women.

They should decide all of this. Men should shut up and wait for further instructions. Didn't men already figure out this role?

Of course, many women are pro-life. They have a vested right in their position too. Men also have opinions. But they don't have a vagina or uterus. On this topic at least, that makes them thunderously stupid.

Let's go to the phone recordings.

Woman: "Good Morning! I just wanted to let Mr. Cox know that the eagle has landed. I repeat, the eagle has landed."

Them: "Ummm ... OK? Is there anything else he should know?"

Woman: "I have awful cramps."

Them: (Very pleasant but desperately wanting me to shut up) "OKIwillpassthatalong."

Women call to announce they are not pregnant but are having sex. Maybe tonight.

I normally would pause here to day something about Pence picking a fight he's too fragile and inept to win.

But I won't.

They're coming for him.
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