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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Mad Santa


One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

7 comments:

Kardnos said...

An oldie but goodie

LostOnAnIsland said...

It was a new one to me. OK, how about this one?


John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

sidrat38 said...

*applause*

Never heard that one before..

Kardnos said...

LMAO

I will admit to reading that in Playboy years ago (I didn't look at the pictures)

sidrat38 said...

Actually reminds me of a joke I heard years ago...

A young Native American boy asked his Grandfather about where their names came from.

"Well", said the Grandfather, "we name our children after the first thing we see after they are born."

"For instance, when your father was the born, the first thing that was seen was an eagle flying across the sky. Thus his name became 'Soars with Eagles' ".

"When your mother was born, a herd of buffalo were seen roaming the plains, and she became 'Runs with Buffalo' ".

"Interesting", said the boy.

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

sparkle said...

Thanks, those are too funny!!!

Kardnos said...

sidrat - an old friend's wife, when quite intoxicated, told that joke but the punchline came out "three dogs fucking"....

At the time, it made it even funnier.